Side Note:

This post is strictly for the members of our travel group. I know many of you have been reading this blog, and wanted it to be controversial, and were repeatedly disappointed that I wasn’t writing about any of you Well I wasn’t going to write anything about anyone and then have to face them every day after that. Since I have left, and I most likely won’t be seeing most of you ever again, and since frankly, my journalistic integrity, will not allow me to censor myself, nor do I care much about what you think at this point, since I don’t have to see you again, I will break it down real quick. So there was much confusion as to who was hooking up with whom, so I will give you the inside scoop.

Chris hooked up with Melissa, he acted nonchalant, she got pissed, then hurt, and from what I gathered decided hooking up isn’t all that and stayed away from guys, much to the Chagrin of Christos, who we all agree will make a lucky girl very happy one day. Just because you have a tongue ring it doesn’t make you a slut, but you are definitely not a nun either, which brings us to Meagan who hooked up with Matt but didn’t have a condom, and being the designated *“Safety Pirate” decided its better to receive than give. *(at the pirate party, he donned a life jacket and called himself the safety pirate, at which time he ironically was running around offering condoms, and hollering at people to have safe sex, while they were doing it) Then Megan hooked up with Myles the last night, but I think it was only because someone was having sex in her room and just needed somewhere to sleep, which sounds like a great way to eradicate homelessness (at least in the female population) Myles also slept with Kylie and their courtship lasted for the first half of the trip. Joe hooked up with Catherine, but only after he was seen begging for it. In fact he was witnessed begging for it multiple times and it was sad to see it, but for the record it worked, well almost. The first night he mentioned to Chris how “he doesn’t believe in one night stands” and doesn’t hook up etc. This was transparently a preemptive measure to save face in case everyone was having sex instead of him, so it wouldn’t be he tried and failed, but more like didn’t try at all. It’s fair to say “he tried”. After Catherine, he hooked up with Regan, but we don’t know how far he got, in all likelihood he didn’t go all the way (in her words) for he was seen pleading with Regan a few more times over the trip, so to give him the benefit of the doubt, and not assume that he was so bad the first time she refused to do it again, we will say he didn’t go all the way. I am happy to report the last night looked like he finally got his way as he was seen getting dressed in her room that morning, in fact he was so proud, he made sure to get dressed with the door open and wait with his pants off what could have been for hours until I came out from next door and saw him. With a combination of persistency, merciless begging and pleading, and overall low standards and expectations of some woman, getting laid doesn’t take any real game.  Andy hooked up with two backpackers, and after we created project X which was an all-out campaign to get him and Ben laid, it was deemed a success. Although Andy was extremely disgusted with the Hygiene and “grooming” of the hippies he slept with, he wasn’t deterred. It wasn’t clear who he was after and was hoping anyone would bite, but then he turned his attention the last few nights on Canadian Jen. Things weren’t going too well, and It looked like I was going to have had more action, with the side boob I grabbed while trying to lift her out of the prison bunker when she got stuck. Finally on one of the last nights, she allowed him to undress and self-please in her presence, but it seems like they didn’t get too far, either because she’s really prude, or maybe because she thought Andy was rude by using his “hands” to get her attention and decided to ignore him. (this is a reference to an argument we had, where she said that she’s a waitress and if someone raises their hand to get her attention, she considers it rude and decides to ignore them, she prefers telepathic communication with her customers, that’s probably also why she allegedly gives such bad hand jobs since she’s not used to raising, using or gesturing with her hand) Ben looked like he was going to be the “last man standing” literally, until Catherine hooked up with him. Ali gave a hilarious impression of their love making from a next door. The Germans were probably hooking up with each other, but nobody knows for sure. Kesenia kept having phone sex with her boyfriend, and was constantly looking for wireless so she doesn’t have to pay the $1.99 a minute we have to pay, since that is the going rate for phone sex for the rest of us. Troung tried to hook up with the Lady Boys but got shot down, proving that the pick-up line “do you like it hot”? does not work on everyone as originally thought. Troung then got thrown out of a brothel because of more Asian on Asian hate crimes and racism. Asian Jen tried to hook up with Troung but he doesn’t like Koreans (more Asian on Asian discrimination). Anne was in a monogamous, completely celibate relationship with Chris, he even bought her a plate commemorating their love. Kylie got some divorce therapy by hooking up with a random stranger from outside the group. Aussie Alley was too busy complaining and griping to hook up with anyone. Ali and Amir were suspiciously in bed by ten every night. Ali had to be reminded when he tried using the line “don’t worry I’m a Doctor” that he was an eye doctor not a proctologist. Tara hooked up with her boyfriend and then became violently ill, swearing it wasn’t an STD, nor was she pregnant. She then clubbed him on the head, and left him bleeding out on the bathroom floor. She rushed onto the bus that morning insisting she was fine, not realizing it wasn’t her we were worried about.