Ordering Breasts
The first night I landed in Quito, Ecuador on a 26-day adventure. I was very surprised to find out the local currency was US dollars—ironically, the language is everything but English. Nobody spoke English, although there was a KFC, Subway, or almost every American icon on every single block.
It was comical having me try to order chicken, since I only like white meat chicken and for some reason all my Rosetta Stone lessons escaped me. I couldn’t seem to explain how I only wanted white meat chicken. I tried pointing to my skin and shaking my head as good, and then pointing to their dark skin and shaking my head as bad, until I realized that I was literally telling a room full of Latinos that “white is right.”
I tried grabbing my breasts and squeezing them hoping they would get the “chicken breast” reference, but for some reason they understood that as me wanting milk—they ran to get milk thinking they solved the puzzle. I don’t know why they thought my breasts were capable of breast feeding, but I decided to instead point to the breasts of the girl working there while saying “chicken breasts” over and over. I was about to give up because they either thought I was trying to order a prostitute, or was insinuating I wanted to touch her breasts, until some guy on the line finally took pity and explained what I wanted.
First Impressions
I went to the tour meeting place and got to meet the first few members of the group. After a few awkward formalities, we decided to get a drink. First was an Australian guy that was about close to 7 feet, but almost as wide as he was tall, like a giant. A black Canadian then introduced himself, almost seeming to have some speech impediment so he mumbled something about being Canadian. Two other girls from Australia were there as well, one was tall and pretty. We had actually connected on Facebook earlier so we had an earlier encounter, while the others went out the night before and had drinks and also knew each other .
The other girl that was also quite attractive had more of what I like to call the “Mona Lisa look”, with a great face, but it gets a bit wider as your eyes travel downwards. She’s a podiatrist, which is a profession that endures so much ridicule that I almost don’t understand why someone would go into that profession. I always wondered if podiatrists have foot fetishes and choose their profession for the same reason child molesters choose to be priests—so they can nobly indulge in their secret fetishes in plain sight and not be looked at as weird, but respected in the process.
The tall, pretty Australian had just finished a nightmare of a relationship where the guy she dated on and off for only six months got so obsessed with her that professed his love for her by tattooing her name on his hand.
Let the adventures begin.
Itinerary
Over the next 26 days, this is my itinerary:
Day 1: Quito
Day 2: Quito to Tena
Day 3: Tena to Baños
Day 4: Baños
Day 5: Baños to Guayaquil
Day 6: Guayaquil to Isabela Island
Day 7: Isabela Island
Day 8: Isabela Island to Santa Cruz Island
Day 9: Santa Cruz to San Cristobal Island
Day 10: San Cristobal Island
Day 11: San Cristobal to Guayaquil
Day 12: Guayaquil to Lima
Day 13: Lima
Day 14: Lima to Arequipa
Day 15: Arequipa to Colca Canyon
Day 16: Colca Canyon to Puno
Day 17: Puno
Day 18: Puno to Cusco
Day 19: Cusco
Day 20: Cusco to Sacred Valley
Day 21: Sacred Valley to Aguas Calientes
Day 22: Aguas Calientes to Cusco
Day 23: Cusco
Day 24: Cusco to Jungle Lodge
Day 25: Jungle Lodge to Puerto Maldonado
Day 26: Puerto Maldonado to Lima