I was meeting a new group of people, and understandably so I was quite apprehensive. The other group was a bit of a disappointment so I was hoping the next group would be better. I met them at dinner and I started to feel better. They were a bit older, some were very funny, and it looked like I would get along fine.
I landed in Christchurch and was overwhelmed by the cloud of doom that hung over the city. It was still reeling from the earthquake. Houses were boarded up, large empty lots dotted the landscape. Construction was being hampered by the never-ending barrage of new quakes. Every time there was a quake of five or higher, construction needed to be halted by three months. It was sad and eerie at the same time, and it reminded me that no matter how advanced we get, we can’t control the forces of nature.
I have a friend who hosts a travel show. He came back from New Zealand and declared that although it was the nicest country in the world, the people were all, just to be blunt, “ugly”. I dismissed his comment thinking there is no way that there is an entire country full of ugly people. Having this in mind when watching people I am afraid he was kind of right. There may have been a lot of in breeding, but I was meeting some weird looking people. I don’t consider myself shallow or superficial but one can’t help but notice the volume of “interesting” looking people. I hope no New Zealanders are reading this, but it’s a tiny country and I bet they are all related at some level. Having said that, this country was beyond unbelievable. This is where they shot Lord Of the Rings, Wolverine, and Narnia. You could drop a pin anywhere on a map of the country, go there and look around, and be assured to see the most magnificent views. It was also the adrenaline Capital of the world, its where they invented Bungee Jumping, Zorbing, and have the most action packed sports activities in the world. This country has the largest sheep farming in the world, and wherever you go you see sheep, and right behind it comes all the sheep sex jokes. Like what do you call a New Zealander holding a sheep? Answer a pimp, or what do you call a New Zealander holding a sheep in one hand, and a goat in the other? Bisexual.
I signed up for as many activities as I could, and realized this would be the culmination of my vacation, and I was excited for it was coming to an amazing adventure filled climax.
Rainforest
We stayed overnight at Franz Joseph rainforest, and glacier. We went swimming in the glacier hot pools, which is just a hot pool with the name Glacier preceding it. The highlight of this stop was supposed to be a helicopter ride over the glacier. The glacier was unimaginative, and I have seen nicer glaciers in the Swiss Alps, Alaska, and the South pole area, but I was able to cross off “peeing on a glacier” from my bucket list. Well it wasn’t really on there, but once I peed I realized that is a good item to have on there, so I retroactively added it and then crossed it off right away.
Queenstown
Queenstown is the most popular tourist destination in New Zealand and, the adrenaline capital of the world. This is where bungee was born and invented and all the activities in this town are based around, fun, action, adrenaline, and perceived danger. There’s multiple bungees, canyon swings, white water rafting, river boarding (which I kept calling waterboarding) luge, Shotover Jets (will explain later) Jet skis, ATV`s, skydiving, and much more. This entire country is based around its tourism and adrenaline rush sports. It was a fun filled three days that had me trying out new things, scaring myself silly, and old school fun. Logic defies the notion of scaring yourself, but I try to live my life based on the advice from the song “Sunscreen” and it says “to do one thing every day that scares you”, although I fulfill my obligation every day by just getting out of bed, I embraced the thrills of bungee jumping.
I did the waterboarding (its actually called river boarding, I just like that scandalous reference to US policy of rendition) which was brilliant. It involves you boarding through a river, and actually going through the rapids in a wetsuit. Its whitewater rafting, without the raft without the paddles, and without a team to help you. It’s dangerous, thrilling, and exciting.
The next day I went on a canyon swing.