Luang Pabeng

Luang PrabangMar 15, 2012Photos: 48

 

Click on text  Luang Prabang above to see more pictures

(disregard all spelling of all Asian towns, they all sound the same, and they all sound like you are ordering off a Chinese menu.)

So we arrived in this little town. Since I am behind around four days, due to the non stop packed schedule, I will give you some brief highlights. We went for an elephant ride. Now if you have never been on an elephant then the best way I can describe it, is that its like sitting on a truck that has four different size wheels. You are sitting on a massive animal, with a mind of its own, now we assume we are on top of the food chain, but it is clearly only because elephants are not around to argue that fact. It was ripping apart logs of sugar cane with its nose, and could probably wrap me around like a Burrito, and shove me up its ass. We were being led by these cheeky little guides called Mahoods, (notice how the diversity of the group is giving me lingo from other countries) and these guys were loads of fun. (check out the pics and videos)

Laos has a curfew so 11-30 everything closes. The only thing open that serves alcohol is the bowling alley, so the entire town converges on the bowling alley, and it turns into a drunken crazy night.

These towns are backpacker central. I love meeting backpackers and they all have amazing stories. It takes a specific type of person to be able to be yanked from their comfort zone for six months, travel through Asia without any money, and be able to be flexible and allow for all kinds of situations and adventure. I was impressed meeting all these young people, and I have met some as young as seventeen. It was amazing. I literally made it my business to meet everyone and talk to as many people as possible, and I started meeting the same people from town to town, since everyone pretty much follows the same route. All this chatting up woman wasn’t helping my cause of getting laid, but that’s the beauty of being over thirty and having been wild all your life; you have nothing to prove. Consider a few facts; Sleeping with twenty year olds doesn’t sound as great and make as much sense in your head as it does in theirs(it might even be a bit creepy, try to remember how far thirty three looked at that age) Truthfully, the whole sleeping around seems kind of too much work for too little reward. Having said that, I still felt like I needed the practice! You don’t want to forget how to do it, and then finally find your one true love, only to lose her on account of you being horrible in bed. I was looking forward to the second half of the trip, where we were losing half the group and getting eleven new members of which nine were girls.

This is all a Segway into a funny thing that happened on the trip to Chris. There are Massage parlors all over the place. Getting a Thai massage is not a relaxing affair. It involves being pushed and prodded, deeply probed, and contorted, and being treated like an enemy of the state. Massages can end in many ways, and there’s a good chance in Asia they will make up for the abuse, in other ways if you want. So Chris was getting a massage, and they were yelling at him, Henry Lee, Henry Lee. He responded by telling them no, his name was Chris and not Henry, but they insisted on pointing and inquiring “Henry Lee”. Eventually he realized they were trying to say “hand release” (or hand relief) and it became a running joke wherever we went, to look for Henry Lee. Now I am not saying I was Henry Lee on this trip, but I am not saying I wasn’t.

We took a bike ride around town. I tried to do a little stunt and managed to get on the sidewalk, but on the dismount I fell flat on face. I was looking for a reaction and I got it, but not the one I was going for. So with a sprained wrist, a bruised ego, a persistent cough, we hit the town that night and chatted up some backpackers. There were two shy young Australians in our group, and they were very sexually frustrated. We took it upon ourselves to get them laid, and we named it “Project-X”. After watching how easy it was to just chat up strangers, they started crawling out of their shell. I even got an entire tour of gorgeous Canadian girls to line up and kiss them on the cheek. Once they got the hang of it project X was a success.  I know one of them was going for a hat trick.

Random Note!

At dinner tonight I was gangbanged, and not the good kind. It was a concerted group attack over something I did. I woke up the other morning, tired and ill and without putting too much thought into it I spit on the floor. Now one of the guys mentioned it, and I understood it was wrong and just said yes I get it, and thought that was the end of it. But it was brought up at dinner in a public setting and realized it was this one girl that saw it, and managed to spread it to the entire group, and the guy that approached me wasn’t even the guy that saw me do it. Obviously it wasn’t the right thing to do, but who goes around saying stuff like that and telling others? Apparently this is the same girl that thought it was rude to raise your hand to get a waiter and waitresses attention, and as a waitress when someone does that to her, she ignores them. These are the type of people that bug me. The type that get really pissed off if someone didn’t hold the door open for them, or if someone isn’t dressed according to what they think is appropriate for that time. The type that spend all their time looking for other peoples transgressions, and go through life critical of all the little mundane unimportant things in life, taking it personal and then starting a campaign and spreading the word about it. In the process of their meaningless crusade, they spread gossip and hurt other people’s feelings, but this is secondary to pointing out the guy that raised his hand to a waiter. These types don’t realize the type of bad energy they bring around, and the unnecessary bitterness they retain. These types will never be happy, but it all works out: Since they don’t deserve to be!