Welcome to Malaysia—Keep Walking!
What can I say about Malaysia that hasn’t already been said? Well actually…anything! Nobody has said much about Malaysia. In fact, this is my second time here and I will probably come here again, not remembering that I was here.
The Origin of Malaysia
As a self-appointed tour guide, and as I gathered people around me to follow me as I made up real sounding facts, here are some of the stories I came up with that I have shared in a very authoritative tone. As a result, it is now being passed on to others as facts as well. A few possible reasons for the name of the country, and all of these “could” be true:
“Malaysia is called Malaysia, because many years ago the king of Malaysia was arguing with the other king and they were fighting over Asia (as Asians like to do) and they were arguing as to whom’ Asia belongs to.
One King said, “It’s my Asia” and the other King said “no Its my Asia” but the other king had a stutter, and when he tried to say “my Asia” he couldn’t get the M out and it sounded more like mmmma Asia Ma Asia mmm, anyways to settle the argument he just placated him and sort of made fun of him by saying “You know what? You are right. MA Asia and not Asia, and its yours, and so he kept Asia and gave him his small piece and let him call it Malaysia.
Another version explained that Malaysia is from the word Malaise meaning feeling ill, since Malaysians are very susceptible to colds they called it Malaysia (the locals did not like that version) nor did they like me calling it Malaysia cause they are “Lazy” hence the name Malazy.)
Another version said Malaysia is from the “Melee” meaning chaos and destruction, and being the leaders in construction, they mixed up construction and destruction and mistakenly called it Malaysia.
About the Culture
Malaysians are true to their word , giving, and generous and it is a local custom to give away tables and desks to the first person who claims it.
Tourist Attractions
One of the great things about traveling is you get to do mundane things that you would never do at home even if the attraction was down the block from you, for example: visiting a tin factory.
We made sure to stay away from the “hot pewter parts” because it sounded like something we should stay away from.
Imagine your job was sitting behind a desk doing your work, playing on a computer, while parades of tour groups pass you by and watch you work. It’s as if you are a monkey in a cage, and kind of makes you want to complain less about your job now.
We went to the Batu Caves and fed the monkeys. I learned from the Asians that it’s not the size of the statue, its how many different angles you can shoot it from with your 3 foot telescopic lens and six foot tripod.
I don’t know what it is about monkeys, but they always fascinate me, and it’s just so cute when they are just hanging out around you, stealing other’s stuff and aggressively attacking the other tourists while you take pictures. (It is a lot less funny when they attack you) We found a monkey with a serious STD.
The monkeys all seemed addicted to plastic and cans.
Wedding Crashers
We decided to crash a wedding, and everyone was happy to see us except the flute player.
He may have been a snake charmer and upset because he lost his snake, but either way the music did not sound like jazz.
In our culture it’s customary to get “dressed for weddings” in Malaysia men get “Un-dressed” for weddings.
We made friends with a Lazy Cross Eyed Dog, and called him “The Crossing Guard”
At the top of the stairs there was a statue family.
And if you go up as a group of stranger’s legend has it you come down as a family.
I tried sacrificing my nail to the statue, and ended up molesting it as usual, but this time I was not as selfish as I usually am.
The women have all come to an agreement on how to avoid the awkwardness of a situation where two women wear the same thing, to reduce overall competitiveness and bring peace among woman by deciding to…all wear the same thing! They get to show their individuality by changing the colors of the collar or the sash. It’s a genius idea and I fully support it, think of how much time it frees up for woman, by them not having to agonize over what to wear all the time. Maybe that’s why in those cultures women still have time to cook and clean.
We took a picture, that we have since sent to Hallmark which is a nice classy way of telling a girl she has nice tits.
Everyone knows that Asia is famous for its scooters. What is really ironic is, that as cool as Motorcycles are, that’s as dorky and annoying Scooters are. In reality it should be quite the opposite. Bikes are cool, because of the rebelliousness and fearlessness it takes to get on one of those and ride away into the sunset.
The ability to stare danger and death in the face and ride fast and carefree. The courage it takes to face the road with nothing on but a hat… Now based on that logic scooters should be ten times as cool, they are straight up, Death traps! But in fact it’s the exact opposite; No matter how tough you look, you sit on a scooter, you look like a dork!
This guy could be calling in a hit right now and starting a prison riot, but in reality he looks like Fat Albert stole a tricycle and is worried he’s about to miss curfew and get in trouble.
Now I don’t know who Trader Joe is, why he trades, who he’s trading with, or what he’s trading. I also don’t know why they don’t accept barter there, because I have tried many times to trade there, but they are not interested in anything I have and they always call the manager. However it looks like he successfully traded his store for a hotel.
We had a great time in Kuala Lumpur and after being there it’s now MA ASIA TOO!
The Video
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